I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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