She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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