Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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