So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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