Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
