Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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