I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
