; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
