I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
