Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
