it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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