I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
