My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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