Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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