That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
