from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
