I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
