That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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