Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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