Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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