2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
