So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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