Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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