All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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