Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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