I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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