my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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