omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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