i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
COCAINE IS GR8
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
