Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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