is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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