Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Alive.
So much puke
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
