Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
