I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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