Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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