I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
then he tried to convert me to islam
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
