Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
