I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
