Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
