The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
