my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
