I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
