Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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