I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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