Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
