In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
