I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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