pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
