The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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