Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
