Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
