Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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