I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
