bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
