The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
