totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
