you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
