He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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