This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
