I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
