Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
