Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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