So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
