i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
